Some thoughts on my progress in attaining the long desired feelings of Love and Passion. --> I do think I've successfully developed the start of a passion for submission. The seed has been planted, and I must nourish it if I want to become the best submissive for K, naturally. Submission gives me all of the heart thumpings that I've yearned for for so long. I'm finally getting butterflies and increased heart rate whenever I'm with Him, whenever we kiss or when He pulls my hair. When it comes to doing K's bidding in everything I do, it's something I've become glad to do because it brings me closer to Him when we're apart. (I've successfully been getting in the habit of capitalizing Him, His, and He when I'm referring to K or any other Dom, but now I have to consciously correct myself whenever I'm mentioning any male pronouns outside of that. XP ) I end up feeling significantly more happy throughout the day, and I end up thinking of Him all the time we're apart, and I'm so GLAD that I'm finally achieving this, something I once thought was so far off. Also, decision making is easier, as it gets rid of any temptation or needless thought when it comes to what I should do. I listen to my conscience so much more often now.
It is now Monday. The end of the week where I was to prove myself as a submissive, and find a passion for it. Most importantly I was to explore submission meant to me, and I've found what it means to be a submissive, and I see the attraction of all the different basic aspects to it. Being a person who needs attachment, direction, and acceptance at her core, the idea of giving myself completely to another person fulfills me in ways I've never been able to experience. It gives everything more meaning. When it comes to just me, I don't really consider doing anything for myself all that motivating. Doing something for another person important in my life makes all the difference, and it's why I did so much when I was attached to Don and it's why I've done so little since. Now I'm always fantasizing, looking forward to going to all of the different hardware stores to make flogs and other S&M equipment. I'm even getting back into drawing again, thinking of ideas for dresses, and I looked at various sketchbooks to draw in. Considering the material I plan to put in it however, I should actually get one with a lock. ;)
I can't get enough of K. My desire to be with Him all the time is getting stronger, and I worry for when He leaves, but knowing my history, it will only increase my attachment. "Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder!"
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